For some strange reason I thought Internet Trolls were sad weirdos who festered in grotty bedsits reeking of stale urine and decaying pizza. How wrong I was. They’re actually disguised as normal people.
Walking around Cardiff bay on a beautiful Sunday afternoon we were strolling behind a couple with a child in a pushchair. They weren’t kids – the man was in his mid-forties – but they were both glued to their phones, only glancing up every now and again to draw breath. From their fragmented conversation it was obvious they were logged onto a famous footballer’s twitter site, constantly uttering things like ‘did you see what she just said?’ I don’t believe what he just … did you see this? Look at what this prat just …’
Suddenly the woman stopped dead and gave a yelp. ‘Oh my God, did you see what that b****** just said to me? I can’t believe the little s**** said that? How dare he talk to me like that?’
‘Tell him he’s a ****’ the man said without looking up.
The woman is furiously tapping on her phone. ‘I have,’ she howled. ‘And I told him we know where he lives and we’re coming around to cut his f***** head off.’
She glanced around as she became aware that we were looking at her and she nudged the man and pretended to make a fuss of the kid in the pushchair. The man does his chimp impression, bearing his teeth and pushing out his chest, daring me to say anything. The kit just looked bemused.
Tis a wonderful life …