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OMG! I’m a TWEARLY!

joke 3

Anyone who’s ever worked in a shop will tell you about The Twearlys – they descend on you ten minutes before opening time and hover around the door glaring through the glass and muttering to themselves.

If you’re unfortunate enough to catch their eye, they make an exaggerated sweep of the arm to check their watch – then they mouth the dreaded words; Are We Too Early?

Anyway, I had a dental appointment this morning at eight twenty-five (my dentist starts work at eight) and thankfully it didn’t take as long as I expected – just a quick checkup and a scale and polish, and I’m back out in the crisp, bright sunshine again.It’s bitter cold so I button up and dash across the road to the shops.

My first stop is the charity shop – they usually have a great selection of books at prices you couldn’t get anywhere else – and I push the door, and – nothing!

With my hand over my eyes I peer through the glass, but there’s no sign of life in there. Funny, I thought it was Mondays they didn’t open …

Never mind, my hair could do with a trim, so I head for Shirly’s salon to see if she can fit me in, and I push the door -and nothing!

Again?

l put my hand up against the glare if the sun and look through the glass, and there’s no movement in there either. Strange – it’s unusual for them to be late. Maybe it’s the weather, there’s a lot of frost around.

I bought a paper in the Spar and headed for home, then decided, since I was passing the Post Office, I’d call in for a book of stamps. I gave the door a shove and – nothing!

What was going on? Hand over my eyes, I peer through the glass – and there’s Thelma glaring back at me. Then, instinctively, l do the exaggerated sweep of the hand to check my watch and – aaahhhhh – it’s only eighty fifty-five!

I jump back in total shock. How could this be happening? I swore on my pair of old Beatles records that I’d never let this happen! Jennifer promised me she wouldn’t let me do this! What is wrong with me?

Suitably embarrassed, l whipped my hood up over my head and scurried back across the road, narrowly missing a Morris Minor being driven by a nun eating a Mars Bar …

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